(I can do this...I can do this...) GLEAMING...

So much money, so little sense

Give her your Grandma's vintage ring!

Normally Seagal gets like 20 shots or so per clip, but I guess the bad guys only have like 7!

You don't stop a woman during football season.

Bye ol' buddy. It's been many years of free Hollywood entertainment, and America will miss you.

Not for the squeamish. Unintentional animal fatality.

Everything was going nice and smoothly, and then...

As if being in a little helicopter could save you from the wrath of Seagal??????? MAYDAY MAYDAY!!!!!11111

Don't bother listening, who cares what they're saying...

And the award for best wipeout goes to......

Flying aceytlene tanks? Doesn't look that dangerous to me...

Yeah Larry, woooooooooo!